Do you think you have an enneagram type 9 child? Read this blog for everything you need to know about parenting the enneagram 9 as a child!
Enneagram 9 Child Overview
The enneagram type nine child is called The Peacemaker.
Traits Of An Enneagram 9 Child…
Signs Your Child Is An Enneagram 9
- They can be a bit spacey in their younger years
- Easily entertains themselves
- Can struggle to assert themselves in a friend group
- “Falls asleep” (sometimes literally) to conflict in the household
- No anger or explosive anger
What The Enneagram 9 Child Wants
- Core Desire: Inner Peace, External Harmony, Connection
- Core Fear: Conflict, Separation, Disconnection
As an enneagram nine child, their core desire is to have inner peace and harmony. This core desire comes from the fear that “if there is conflict, then I will be abandoned and alone.”
All an enneagram 9 child wants is for everyone to get along and to be in an environment that makes them feel calm and comfortable.
They often seek this core desire through creative hobbies and acting independently, doing things that keep them in the safety of their mind and feeling calm, or even seeking out the parent’s company to feel calm.
What An Enneagram 9 Child Needs.
So what do enneagram 9s children need? First, a 9 child needs their core desire of harmony fulfilled by having people/things/places that make them feel peaceful.
This could be spending time in nature, spending 1-on-1 time with a parent, or being creative.
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But the enneagram 9 child also needs to embrace both their wings. A type 9 child will feel ill at ease if they don’t have some organization in their life (for their 1 wing) and a challenge/leadership role for their 8 wing.
And finally, an enneagram 9 child needs to embrace the healthy traits of their growth numbers.
Finding time to connect with people (, embracing the enneagram 6,) and pursuing goals (taking on the enneagram 3) is extremely important for the enneagram 9s child.
What An Enneagram 9 Child Struggles With
As enneagram 9s are part of the Anger Triad, anger is a big struggle for enneagram 9 children. Since type nines believe in “not rocking the boat,” type 9 children will easily repress their feelings & needs until, one day, they blow up and get labeled “temperamental.” This then leads to the 9 further repressing their emotions because they feel ashamed for causing conflict
Because of this, enneagram 9 children can have trouble dealing with conflict and asserting their needs.
An Example Of This…
As a 9 myself. I rolled my ankle pretty badly on a hike as a kid. Afterward, it was starting to swell quite a bit.
But because of my peace-keeping nature, it took multiple hours later for me to speak up about this which then lead to everyone in my family saying “yes that is obviously swollen! why didn’t you ask for ice earlier!?!?”
Enneagram 9 Child In Stress
Enneagram 9s children go one of two ways in stress….
- Option 1, they lack the motivation to achieve or succeed. Stepping into the negative Enneagram 6 qualities, they become worried, anxious, and mistrusting. They find it hard to push themselves. Easily overindulging in social media, have unhealthy eating habits, and do random tasks instead of what they are supposed to do.
- Option 2, which is rarely talked about, is a 9 child in stress can become over-achieving and over-working, taking on the unhealthy aspects of the Enneagram 3!
Overall, the normally easygoing and friendly type 9 child in stress becomes stubborn and frustrated.
They become hyper-critical of themselves and others, picking what seems to be stupid fights possibly about how the dishes were put away or even just how someone breathed.
Signs Of A Stressed Enneagram 9…
- Acting as a people pleaser
- Struggle to talk about their feelings
- Often replying “I don’t know”
- Passive aggressive behavior
- Explosive anger
- Hyper-sensitivity to discomfort
- Lack of motivation or obsessive motivation
- Appearing silent
- Constantly tired
A type 9s child goes into stress by having their childhood wound triggered. Their childhood belief of “my desires and needs don’t matter” is brought back to the surface and so they go into survival mode to avoid being harmed.
Enneagram 9 Child In Health
The words I like to use to summarize the enneagram 9s child in health is joy and drive. The Peacemaker child, who is so great at being easygoing, finds something they love to push themselves in. Not forgoing their peaceful lifestyle entirely but they feel safe enough to push themselves both mentally and physically every day.
The enneagram 9 child at their best appears confident in themselves and they allow their true personality to shine through. They assert their needs and fulfill them unapologetically. They can even handle uncomfortable conversations.
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Signs Of A Healthy Enneagram 9…
- Self assured
- They have some form of goal
- They can express their needs
- They take care of themselves
- Communicating through conflict rather than running away from it
- They challenge themselves
- Intentional with their words rather than sporadic or mumbling
The 9w8 child fulfills their core desire for inner peace by challenging themselves and being more aggressive.
This is going to be the more extroverted 9 child, almost seeming as loud as an enneagram 7. This is even more true if your enneagram 9 child is an SO subtype.
The 9w8 child takes on the appearance of the challenger in some aspects, meaning that they seem assertive, loud, protective, sarcastic, and energetic. 9w8 children are extremely social and they don’t back down from a fight, this can seem a bit like a paradox knowing their core desire but it actually is aligned.
If your child is a 9w8, it is vital that you help them challenge themselves whether it is physically or mentally and make time for them to be with people who get them to challenge themselves.
Enneagram 9w1 Child
The 9w1 child fulfills their core desire by cultivating an organized and peaceful environment. It is extremely important to the 9w1 child that they have alone time and a calming environment.
This going to be the more introverted 9 child and they take on the appearance of the perfectionist in some aspects, meaning that they seem orderly, stable, quiet, organized, and routine-oriented.
The 9 wing 1 child cares more about spending time by themselves and doing things that brings them a sense of service to the world without having to face conflict.
Type 9w1 children prefer to have fewer friendships than big social groups so it is vital that you help them find those people who make them feel authentic, expressive, and understood around.
Nurturing An Enneagram 9 Child
So how can we nurture enneagram 9 children?
Growth for the enneagram 9 child isn’t just about pushing them harder. It’s about embracing what you are passionate about and going after it.
Help your type 9 child learn to recognize discomfort and say “okay, I know I feel uncomfortable. But I know that what I am pursuing is going to bring me more fulfillment than staying in my comfort zone.”
Encourage your type 9 to do what they want and create the rules for their life.
Ask your type 9 “What if you expressed your needs and desires fearlessly? What if you knew that your desires matter? What if you pushed through that uncomfortable feeling and found more peace?”
Parenting Checklist For The Enneagram 9 Child
- Give them daily peaceful and chill time. You can do this by helping them create a morning routine, learn skills that help them stay centered, and simply just listen.
- Make them feel safe to share their needs.
- Help them push their limits physically through exercise
- Give them somewhere to mentally challenge themselves
- Help them get comfortable with emotional discomfort and have hard conversations in a safe space.
- (Depending on age) help them set goals
- Give them a place to be organized
- Connect with them 1-on-1
- Teach them to chase their desires
- Practice anger management
- Be a loyal connection and help them find loyal connections
Help them learn that conflict isn’t always bad. To learn that their desires matter. To challenge themselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally, to learn to embrace discomfort. These are the steps to helping an enneagram 9 child thrive.
What tips or questions do you have about raising an enneagram 9 child? Comment below and let us know!
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