Do you think you have an Enneagram type 6 child? Read this blog for everything you need to know about parenting the Enneagram 6 as a child!
Enneagram 6 Child Overview
The enneagram type six child is called The Loyalist.
Traits Of An Enneagram 6 Child…
- And Strong
Signs Your Child Is An Enneagram 6
- They want to know the plan and get stressed/frustrated at unexpected change
- Hostile emotions can easily swing from giddy to grumpy
- They love to take care of others
- Can be hard on themselves for failure
- Do good with structure
- Sometimes hypochondriacs
- Nervous habits (needing to move their hands)
What The Enneagram 6 Child Wants
- Core Desire: Safety, Security, Loyalty
- Core Fear: Instability, Betrayal, Being Unsafe
As an enneagram six child, their core desire is to be safe and secure. This core desire comes from the fear that “the world is dangerous and wants to harm me.”
All an Enneagram 6 child wants is to have their safety guaranteed and feel protected.
They often seek this core desire through loyal friends, routines, or comfort objects. (Think stuffed animals or nick-nacks they carry everywhere.)
What An Enneagram 6 Child Needs.
So what do Enneagram 6 children need? First, a 6 child needs their core desire for security fulfilled by by doing things that make them feel grounded.
This could be spending time in nature, connecting with a trusted friend, or connecting with a parent.
But the Enneagram 6 child also needs to embrace both their wings. A type 6 child will feel ill at ease if they don’t make time for fun (for their 7 wings) and draw within to their mind for their 5 wings.
And finally, an enneagram 6 child needs to embrace the healthy traits of their growth numbers.
Finding time to relax, nurture friendships, and let loose (, embracing the enneagram 9,) and setting goals (taking on the enneagram 3) is extremely important for the enneagram 6 children.
What An Enneagram 6 Child Struggles With
As the enneagram 6 child is part of the Fear Triad, fear is something type 6 kids struggle with a lot. Specifically, the fear of being betrayed and harmed.
When a type 6 child feels that their safety is being compromised, they’ll start to defend themselves by any means necessary. This can show up as aggression, stubbornness, isolating themselves, and trying to control friends/situations/parents more.
Because of this, enneagram 6 children can have trouble processing their emotions and relaxing.
An Example Of This…
I once had some family friends coming to visit us for a vacation. They had a daughter who was 11 and an enneagram 6. One day, all the kids were hanging out and she felt like she was being ignored because everyone else was louder than her.
To her, this felt like a betrayal of trust. She quickly became aggressive, fighting with her brother, and eventually, isolated herself in a separate room where she went through old photos of happy memories to remind herself that she is valued.
Enneagram 6 Child In Stress
Enneagram 6 children go one of two ways in stress…
- Option 1, they become self-centered and aggressive. Stepping into the negative Enneagram 3 qualities. They lose their compassion and focus on achievement in an unhealthy manner. Often cutting off their friends and family.
- Option 2, which is rarely talked about, is a 6 child in stress can become lazy and avoidant, taking on the unhealthy aspects of the Enneagram 9!
Overall, the Enneagram 6’s gift of protectiveness turns into justification, mainly of their beliefs and actions. An enneagram 6 in stress can be hard to talk to because they always seem to need to tell you why they are right.
An enneagram 6 child is most likely to go into stress after an argument with a loved one, or co-worker, or from an immoral encounter. They feel that they are going to be betrayed so they shield themselves by being unreasonably stubborn and pushing people away.
Signs Of A Stressed Enneagram 6…
- Resistant to help you and the family
- Hostile emotions
- Isolating themselves to do what they want
- Refuse to listen to advice
- Repeatedly telling you about old issues
- They start to care about being the best so people like them
- Seeking comfort via TV, technology, junk food, and other unhealthy habits
- Ignoring responsibilities (homework, chores, etc)
- Easily offended
Type 6 goes into stress by having their childhood wound triggered. A situation happens (, or many situations) where their childhood belief that “The world is dangerous and wants to hurt me” is brought back to the surface and so they go into survival mode to avoid being harmed.
Enneagram 6 Child In Health
The word I like to use to summarize the enneagram 6 child in health is released. The Loyalist child, who is so great at being prepared and protective, learns to embrace peace, relaxation, and, most importantly, diplomacy. An enneagram 6 in growth learns to find loyalty and grounding within themselves.
The Enneagram 6 child at their best has built such a strong sense of internal grounding that they can release their attachment to all things external. This doesn’t mean that they don’t care, it means they learn when it’s time to hold on and when it’s time to let go.
Signs Of A Healthy Enneagram 6…
- Calmness in their day-to-day life
- They don’t get easily offended by others’ actions or words
- They can express when they’re upset and why
- Prepared but not controlling
- They take care of others happily
- Easygoing attitude
- They take care of themselves
- Facing their fears
- Close to their friends
- They have a creative outlet/hobby they enjoy
The 6w5 child fulfills their core desire for safety by maintaining their resources, space, and time alone.
They take on the appearance of The Investigator in some aspects, meaning that they seem rational, fact-oriented, reserved, and quiet. They like to do things their way and love to stick to routines. Don’t even try to change a 6w5 child’s way of doing things.
If your child is a 6w5, you must be making time for them to be alone and do the things they love.
Enneagram 6w7 Child
The 6w7 child fulfills their core desire for safety by surrounding themselves with the things and people they love. The philosophy of a 6w7 child is “make sure things are safe and then let’s go party!’
The 6w7 child is called “the buddy.” This is the more extroverted wing. They take on the appearance of the enthusiast in some aspects, meaning that they seem social, loud, talkative, friendly, and fun.
A 6-wing 7 child cares more about having loyal friends and connections rather than having facts and information. Type 6w7 kids prefer to have a bigger social circle, so you must be making time to be with friends you can trust. The wing 7 means you value fun so allow room for that fun side of you to show.
Nurturing An Enneagram 6 Child
So how can we nurture Enneagram 6 children?
Growth for the Enneagram 6 child isn’t just about forcing them to face their fears and learn to chill. It’s learning that no outer force will bring you the stability you desire if you don’t have your intrinsic stability.
Help your type 6 child feel emotionally heard, this will provide the greatest sense of security for them. And help them build resiliency, both physically and emotionally. This may be through physically challenging them or by helping them build self-love so others’ judgment doesn’t hurt them.
Ask your type 6 “What if you know that everything was going to work out always? What if you fully loved and trusted yourself, would other peoples’ words affect you as much?”
Parenting Checklist For The Enneagram 6 Child
- Help them face their fears in healthy doses
- Teach them to build their inner grounding
- Listen when they express their feelings
- Give them sources of stability
- Don’t expect them to constantly adapt
- Help them find loyal friends
- Teach them to soften and relax
- Make time for creative hobbies
- Remember their anger is a result of feeling betrayed. Help them feel safe and give them time to decompress
- Don’t push them or rush them too much, they like to take their time
- Give them some control over their schedule
They need stability for their happiness, people, places, and things they can rely on. How can you provide this for them and how can you teach them to provide this for themselves?
What tips or questions do you have about raising an Enneagram 6 child? Comment below and let us know!
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