Do you think you have an enneagram type 5 child? Read this blog for everything you need to know about parenting the enneagram 5 as a child!
Enneagram 5 Child Overview
The enneagram type five child is called The Investigator.
Traits Of An Enneagram 5 Child…
- Logical
- Cerebral
- Reserved
- Analytical
- Introverted
- Methodical
- Factual
- Inquisitive
- Neutral
- Curious
Signs Your Child Is An Enneagram 5
- They love to spend time alone, often being dubbed as “anti-social”
- Deeply bothered when they feel incapable
- Love to acquire data whether that’s via books, the internet, or tinkering
- Would best be described as cerebral, not very emotional
- Wants to control their schedule
- They want to see everything. So they enjoy spreading their stuff out
- Struggle to take action unless it’s calculated and planned out
What The Enneagram 5 Child Wants
- Core Desire: Knowledge, Capability, Resources
- Core Fear: Incapability, Lack, Ignorance
As an enneagram five child, their core desire is to have knowledge and be capable. This core desire comes from the fear that “if I don’t have all the knowledge then I will be incapable” Being emotionally expressive and spontaneous doesn’t come naturally to them.
All an enneagram 5 child wants is to have their resources protected and never feel in danger.
They often seek this core desire through time alone, hoarding their stuff, and spending their time learning.
What An Enneagram 5 Child Needs.
So what do enneagram 5 children need? First, a 5 child needs their core desire for capability by doing things that make them feel in control and abundant in resources.
This could be exercise, building something (physically or digitally), or learning something new.
But the enneagram 5 child also needs to embrace both their wings. A type 5 child will feel ill at ease if they don’t have a creative outlet (for their 4 wing) and physical security for their 6 wing.
And finally, an enneagram 5 child needs to embrace the healthy traits of their growth numbers.
Stepping into a leadership role, building self-confidence, taking bold action (, embracing the enneagram 8,) and having fun (taking on the enneagram 7) is extremely important for the enneagram 5 child.
What An Enneagram 5 Child Struggles With
As the enneagram 5 child is part of the Fear Triad, fear is something type 5 kids struggle with a lot. Specifically, the fear of being incapable and not having enough.
When a type 5 child feels that their resources are being compromised, they’ll start to defend them by any means necessary. This can show up as isolating themselves, anxiety, lack of action, and repressing emotions.
Because of this, enneagram 5 children can have trouble forming connections and enjoying present.
An Example Of This…
I was once working 1-on-1 with this 10 year old boy who was an enneagram 5. In one of our calls, he was telling me about his plans for his future. How, when he’s 30 he is going to become a robot scientist and he told me every detail, down to what kind of tests he’ll run and where he will do it.
When I asked him about what he was doing now to follow this dream or to make himself happy, he replies with “I don’t know, I have to wait to do all that.” In the end, this child struggled to find present happiness.
Enneagram 5 Child In Stress
Enneagram 5 children go one of two ways in stress….
- Option 1, they become impulsive and irresponsible. Stepping into the negative Enneagram 7 qualities. This stress number doesn’t always make an enneagram 5 becomes the life of the party, though it can. This stress number mainly means that the 5 seeks pleasure like a 7 and forgoes their long-term plans.
- Option 2, which is rarely talked about, is a 5 child in stress can become aggressive and controlling, taking on the unhealthy aspects of the Enneagram 8!
Overall, the Enneagram 5 in stress becomes tired of being disciplined and chooses to step back into comfortable, unhealthy habits.
An enneagram 5 child is most likely to go into stress after now having enough alone time or from physically burning themselves out. They feel that they are going to lose what they have so they shield themselves by withdrawing from the world.
Signs Of A Stressed Enneagram 5…
- Hoarding their time alone
- Forgetting responsibilities
- They don’t know what makes them happy
- Going to excess in food, comfort, and stimulus
- Withdrawing from people
- Or vice-versa, seeking out people for validation
- Becoming out of touch with their feelings
- Unrealistic plans or no plans at all
- Worry
- Overly-focused on material gain or success
- Putting on a facade of confidence but feel insecure
- Impulsive decision making
- Scatter-brained
A type 5 child goes into stress by having their childhood wound triggered. A situation happens (,or many situations) where their childhood belief of “if I am incapable, I’ll be harmed” is brought back to the surface and so they go into survival mode to avoid being harmed.
Enneagram 5 Child In Health
The word I like to use to summarize the enneagram 5 child in health is action. The Investigator child, who is so great at being methodical and logical embraces confidence, leadership, and, most importantly, action. An enneagram 5 in growth learns to trust their instincts and do the things they want to do.
A type 5 child in health takes action in family life, in social settings, in big decisions, in all of life. Instead of feeling as if they are never prepared or knowledgeable enough, they open themselves up to learn from experience and be brave.
Signs Of A Healthy Enneagram 5…
- They feel confident and stable even without resources
- Taking massive imperfect action
- In touch with their emotions
- They have somewhere they can be a leader
- Not hoarding their time alone
- Close friendships
- using rational thinking and trust
- Open to new ideas
- Not feeling stuck in their head
- Letting themselves be playful
- Setting goals
- Calm in the present
- They can be spontaneous
- Expressing themselves
Enneagram 5w4 Child
The 5w4 child fulfills their core desire for resources by having time to do the things they love and being creative.
They take on the appearance of The Individualist in some aspects, meaning that they seem quirky, creative, philosophical, and unconventional. They walk to the beat of their own drum.
If your child is a 5w4, it is vital that you are making time for them to be with people who love their quirkiness.
Enneagram 5w6 Child
The 5w6 child fulfills their core desire of resources by having physical resources and social connections that they can rely on. It is extremely important to the 5w6 child that they have future and present stability.
The 5w6 child is called “the problem solver.” This is the more extroverted wing. They take on the appearance of the loyalist in some aspects, meaning that they seem cautious, dedicated, loyal, stable, and orderly.
A 5 wing 6 child cares more about gaining knowledge and resources that will keep them stable.Type 5w6s prefer to have more time in groups so it is vital that you are making time for them to be with friends they can trust. The wing 6 means you value loyalty so allow room for that loyalty to show.
Nurturing An Enneagram 5 Child
So how can we nurture enneagram 5 children?
Growth for the enneagram 5 child isn’t just about being more assertive and be social. It’s about taking bold action in the direction they truly desire.
Help your type 5 child realize that the world isn’t a test that you succeed or fail in. It’s a place of abundant possibilities that are here for them to experience. They can have anything they want, they just have to go for it.
Ask your type 5 “What if the only moment you have is right now? Can you imagine going out in the world and were fully capable with the amount of knowledge you have right now? What would you do if you felt like it was okay to fail and try again?”
Parenting Checklist For The Enneagram 5 Child
- Give them their space and alone time
- Push them to interact with like-minded people who mentally stimulate them
- Be someone they can talk theory with
- Push them to take action toward something they want
- Give them a place to physically challenge themselves
- Help them get out of their head when they start to drown in their thoughts
- Plant seeds of positivity, teach them to project positive outcomes
- Help them realize it’s okay to fail
- Give them a creative outlet
They need alone time for their happiness. How can you provide this for them and how can you teach them to provide this for themselves?
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What tips or questions do you have about raising an enneagram 5 child? Comment below and let us know!
Related Blogs:
- Using The Enneagram In Parenting
- Mindfulness For Enneagram 5s
- Enneagram 5 Self Care Guide
- Enneagram 5w4 VS 5w6 Comparison: Which Wing Are You?
- Gift Ideas For The Enneagram 5
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