Do you think you have an enneagram type 1 child? Read this blog for everything you need to know about parenting the enneagram 1 as a child!
Enneagram 1 Child Overview
The enneagram type one child is called The Perfectionist.
Traits Of An Enneagram 1 Child…
- and Orderly
Signs Your Child Is An Enneagram 1
- Enneagram 1 kids aren’t always organized! They can be but they don’t have to be.
- They like leading and being in control, organizing games is fun for them
- Take on the role of parent with siblings
- They are hard on themselves for failure
What The Enneagram 1 Child Wants
- Core Desire: Perfection, Order, Rightness
- Core Fear: Imperfection, Chaos, Doing Wrong
As an enneagram 1 child, your core desire comes from the fear that you are the only one in the world who will uphold perfection. Breaking the rules and winging it is likely not in your vocabulary.
All an enneagram 1 child wants is to maintain order. They believe that they are the only ones who will uphold perfection and place a high standard on themselves to do so.
They often seek this core desire by maintaining perfect grades, taking care of siblings, helping around the house, or keeping things organized.
What An Enneagram 1 Child Needs.
So what do enneagram 1 children need? First, a 2 child needs their core desire of order by organizing or upholding the harmony of the things that matter the most to them.
This could be keeping their room neat, perfecting a skill, taking care of their siblings, or doing good in school.
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But the enneagram 1 child also needs to embrace both their wings. A type 1 child will feel ill at ease if they don’t spend time keeping their mind and space organized and achieving goals for their 3 wing.
And finally, an enneagram 1 child needs to embrace the healthy traits of their growth numbers.
Stepping into more creative expression (, embracing the enneagram 4,) and embracing play (, taking on the enneagram 7,) is extremely important for the enneagram 1 child.
What An Enneagram 1 Child Struggles With
As a part of the anger triad, type 1 kids struggle with resentment and self-hate. With the core desire of perfection, the enneagram 1 child can by hyper-critical of others and themselves.
When a type 1 feels that they aren’t perfect enough or that they aren’t maintaining order, they become resentful, frustrated, and hyper-critical.
An Example Of This…
I was once working with a child who was an enneagram 1. They struggled a lot with their inner critic and perfectionism.
One day, her younger brother was being very loud and obnoxious. Causing the household to feel very inharmonious and chaotic. Because of her enneagram 1 core desire of order, she quickly became frustrated and angry.
This lead her to taking her anger out on her brother, correcting him, and trying to be the parent.
In the end, the conflict was resolved by giving her a space to be away from her brother and maintain order.
Enneagram 1 Child In Stress
Enneagram 1 children go one of two ways in stress…
- Option 1, they become hyper-critical and bitter. Stepping into the negative Enneagram 4 qualities. Instead of using their strong sense of idealism to create a better world, they become fixated on all the imperfections around them and aggressively try to fix them.
- Option 2, which is rarely talked about, is a 1 child in stress can become impulsive and irresponsible, taking on the unhealthy aspects of the Enneagram 7!
Overall, the enneagram 1 child in stress believes that they are the only ones who are keeping things in order, burn out, and take on all of the responsibilities of the world.
As a child, they can have trouble allowing themselves to be playful, curious, and get along with friends because they have such a strong inner critic in their head telling them all the ways they’ve failed.
Signs Of A Stressed Enneagram 1…
- Small messes bother them deeply
- You find them playing the role of “judge” or parent often
- Frequently correcting others
- They give off a strong aura of deep-rooted resentment
- Unnecessary reorganization
- Systemizing everything to reduce anxiety
- Struggling to silence the inner critic in their head
- They feel like everyone else is lazy
- Emotionally distant
A type 1 child goes into stress by having their childhood wound triggered. A situation happens (, or many situations) where their childhood belief of “I have to be perfect to be loved” is brought back to the surface and so they go into hyper-critical mode to avoid being abandoned.
Enneagram 1 Child In Health
The word I like to use to summarize the enneagram 1 child in health is surrender. A 1 child in growth surrenders control over unimportant things. They surrender to imperfection and find deeper relaxation.
The orderly and perfectionist type 1 child embraces light-heartedness, fun, and, most importantly, playfulness. An enneagram 1 in growth learns that they deserve to relax, enjoy life, and trust.
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Signs Of A Healthy Enneagram 1…
- Releasing control
- Prioritizing what matters
- Creative hobbies
- They make time to simply “be” with people
- Take care of their wellbeing
- Inner critic is silenced
- Imperfections don’t get to them as much
- Compassion (both for themselves and others)
- Not playing the role of “judge”
- Close connections
The 1w9 child fulfills their core desire of order by maintaining perfection within themselves. The desire for perfection is focused on themselves rather than the world and they expect themselves to never fail.
They take on the appearance of The Peacemaker in some aspects, meaning that they seem quieter, calmer, friendly, more soft-spoken, quiet, and peaceful. They want their space to be harmonious and are drawn to spending time by themselves.
If your child is a 1w9, it is vital that you are scheduling time for them to be by themselves. They prefer to do things in solitude. That is not to say they don’t need people whatsoever, it simply means that having closer one-on-one connections with others is more important to them than having a large social group.
Enneagram 1w2 Child
The 1w2 child fulfills their core desire of order by helping their external environment be perfect. 1w2 kids love being the leaders.
The 1w2 child is called “the advocate.” This is going to be the more extroverted wing and they take on the appearance of The Helper in some aspects, meaning that they seem eager to lend a hand, are intent listeners, and enjoy being social.
A 1 wing 2 child cares more about organizing games, creating groups, leading friends, and helping others with their organizational skills and vision for perfection.
Nurturing An Enneagram 1 Child
So how can we nurture enneagram 1 children?
Growth for an enneagram 1 child isn’t just about releasing control and being playful. It’s about learning to see life as something you get to enjoy.
The core of a type 1s growth means learning to see the world past the paradigm of “manage and maintain order,” and start seeing it through the lens of “enjoy and explore.”
A healthy 1 child learns to recognize when they are feeling like a control freak and say “okay, I recognize how I am being a perfectionist right now because it makes me feel in control. What would make me feel truly alive today? How can I find more playfulness?”
Help type 1 kids by creating a space for them where they can be spontaneous and free-spirited. Ask them “how can you release your anger when it comes up? When people frustrate you, (including yourself,) how can you practice compassion?”
Parenting Checklist For The Enneagram 1 Child
- Give them a space to be playful
- Help them recognize their inner critic
- Be true to your word
- Find common values and set rules for the household based on those so they can maintain the feeling of order they need
- Create a space for them where they can be spontaneous
- Help them process their anger
- Give them a space to harness their skills of organization and leadership
- Practice creative expression with them
- Teach them loving kindness toward themselves and others
- Remind them that they are enough regardless of what they do
They need to maintain some level of order for their happiness. How can you give them a place to be perfect that doesn’t shift their self-value?
What tips or questions do you have about raising an enneagram 1 child? Comment below and let us know!
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